


Once Upon A Time

by OneHundredSuns



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon - TV, Episode 9, Episode Related, Heartache, Heartbreak, Hopeful Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 02:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6219613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneHundredSuns/pseuds/OneHundredSuns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec is trying so hard to fix his family that he doesn't realize what he's broken until it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once Upon A Time

**Author's Note:**

> Been sort of wanting to write something with tv!Malec for a bit and decided this angsty little number would do. It follows the events in Episode 9.

_All I did was fail today  
All I wanna be is whites and waves  
All I did was fail today  
All we do, all we do_ \- Oh Wonder

In retrospect going to see Magnus after his fight with Jace made less sense than anything he’d ever done but the last thing he wanted to do was talk to Lydia bout it. She was…well she was a decent person and a capable Shadowhunter but they weren’t friends. They were hardly colleagues and being engaged didn’t change that. He was already deferring to her leadership on most things but he wasn’t going to let it bleed over into the emotional. At least not until he took his vows.

It sounded so stupid even in his own mind but there was really no other choice. The Lightwood name had been _ruined_ beyond repair and the only way to even begin to fix things was with an important family match. The Branwells were important people within the Clave and had the kind of influence he could use to protect the Institute and his fellow Shadowhunters.

Isabelle and Jace—they would understand it all in time. They would come to realize that he was just trying to keep them all afloat. That he was just trying to repair the damage done by letting Clary have free reign of the place.

Their situation was _her_ fault. All her fault. If Jace had only…

Shaking his head, he winced as his wound gave another twinge but ignored it to knock on Magnus’ front door. He had no idea what he was going to say. Nothing had changed and even if it had he—maybe he would ask for some odd favor just to explain his appearance. Magnus had offered to heal him; he could say he was here for that.

The knocker on the door slid to the side but it wasn’t Magnus that peered out at him, it was someone he’d never seen before. A pretty young woman with blue skin and long white hair gazed at him before slowly opening the door. “Can I help you?” She asked politely.

Alec stared at her and pushed down the irrational flare of jealously that swelled up in his chest. He had no right to feel any emotion where Magnus was concerned. “I um. Is Magnus here?”

She bit her bottom lip. “He’s not really in the mood for visitors right now.”

Alec frowned and wondered if that was because of him. Because of their earlier conversation. “I—is he okay? I just need to talk to him for a moment. It’s…business.” The words tasted like ashes on his tongue.

Her eyes narrowed. “Are you Alexander?”

He blinked. “Yeah…?”

Her shoulders straightened and she glanced inside before stepping aside. “Might as well come and see what you’ve done.”

“What I’ve done?” Alec slowly entered the loft. “Who are you?”

“Catarina. I’m an old friend of Magnus’.” Closing the door, she gestured to the living room. “Have a seat. I’ll tell him you are here.” And then she was disappearing around a corner towards the bedrooms.

Alec exhaled deeply and slowly drifted over to the couch, remembering how they’d saved Luke’s life. How he’d given Magnus his strength and felt so completely connected to another person for the first time in his life. It had been so utterly different than his bond with Jace. More…passionate and receptive.

Smoothing a hand across the leather, he sat down and began to fidget. His arm was throbbing and he felt like shit due to his fight with Jace. Not to mention being on the outs with the people he loved most; it almost seemed unreal. But siding with Lydia meant siding with the Clave and he _had_ to. He _had to_ fix things because if he didn’t who else was there? Isabelle was too volatile and no one had any faith in his parents anymore. He could do this and one day when things were different—when they were calmer—he’d think about himself. Besides there was a chance everything might work out for the best.

Lydia was strong and brave and intelligent. She wasn’t—well she wasn’t his _first_ choice but she would make a good partner. They’d have a cordial marriage based on the work which was important to both of them. If he followed orders to the letter it probably wouldn’t take that long to repair the Lightwood name.

He’d focus on the other parts—on children and wedding runes—later.

“Well well, what are you doing here?” Magnus waltzed into the room draped in black and silver. “Shouldn’t you be at home addressing wedding invitations?”

Alec stood so fast his head swam. “Magnus. I know it’s late but I just wanted to, that is I thought you should know—know that Jace and Clary helped Meliorn escape.”

Magnus arched a brow. “Why would I care? Seelie business and Shadowhunter business is not _my_ business.”

Alec wet his lips. “Oh. I just wanted to keep you in the loop I guess.”

Magnus laughed and flopped dramatically onto the sofa. “Don’t. I do not want to be bothered with anything dealing with Valentine or your silly little Cup ever again. I’m going back to my original plan of looking out for myself and others like me. It’s prudent, wouldn’t you say?”

Alec couldn’t help but frown. “Are you okay? You seem…different.”

Magnus shrugged. “You don’t know me so how would you know how I _seem_.” Glancing to his nails, he sighed. “Now why are you here? I’m going to be throwing a party later and I _need_ to redecorate.”

Alec would never forget the look on Magnus’ face when he told him he was getting married. It was like watching a star die right in front of your eyes; seeing the light shrivel in on itself until there was nothing left. And it was such a stark contrast to the night he’d admitted to being awakened for the first time in a long time. However even after watching his expression fall and that wall snap back into place, Alec had felt his magic tickling at his bare skin almost as if it was an unconscious sort of thing. Magnus exuded warmth and that was drastically missing right now.

“I just came to see you.” Alec opted for honesty and ignored his arm’s protest for a healing. “To make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m fine.” Magnus gazed up at him with hollow eyes. “A little bored but fine.”

For most of his life Alec had swallowed down things he really wanted to say whether to his parents or to Jace. It was why he hadn’t immediately turned around and called Magnus back in the hallway even though a tiny voice had been screaming at him to do so. Contrary to what most thought about him, he wasn’t a rock. On the outside sure because he had to be but inside were grits and dust from years and years of being ground down by rules. By the Law. It was all he’d known and Magnus just didn’t _fit_.

Maybe that was why he shined so brightly.

But that wasn’t the case now and Alec knew why but he couldn’t _talk_ about it. He couldn’t force the words out. Instead he would keep them in so tight that they grew into his bones and gave him something to focus on when everything else tore at him from all sides. When playing his part got to be too much.

Yet a selfish part of him missed the way Magnus used to look at him. Used to sway in close and show such concern even if he were speaking complete nonsense. The warlock before him right now apparently didn’t care if he lived or died and it didn’t make _sense_.

Alec tugged at the sleeves of his leather jacket. “I guess I should be getting back then. Lydia will want a full report on how the mission went so wrong.”

Magnus snorted. “Yes don’t keep the little lady waiting. She might decide to torture another Downworlder to keep herself busy.”

“She’s not like that.”

“Oh of course not. She was just doing her duty. You’re all just doing your duty, aren’t you? Whatever makes you feel better...”

“You saw what happened at the Institute. Forsaken broke in; Forsaken that Valentine somehow made. If he gets the Cup—”

“If Valentine gets the Cup everyone is fucked. Maybe your Clave should have thought about that instead of spending its time with its collective head in the sand until now. Because Downworlders _and_ humans have been dying for a while but they didn’t give a damn, did they? Yet suddenly an Institute is breached and its all hands on deck. You know who doesn’t care about that? Dot. Because she’s dead.”

“We _tried_ to stop that demon from killing mundanes. We did stop it.”

“Do you want a cookie for doing your job?”

Alec swallowed thickly. “Why are you being like this?” he asked before he could stop himself.

Magnus uncrossed his legs and rose to his feet. “Like what? Not jumping at your beckon call when wards need strengthening or a body needs scanned for magic? Not healing your little friends to the detriment of my _own_ health or summoning demons for you?” He shook his head. “Or now that we are alone perhaps you want me to kiss your ouchies and make them better… Careful though because Catarina is slinking around here somewhere and I wouldn’t want you to break your head open when she walks in and you pull back like me touching you will give you some sort of disease.”

Alec was at a loss. “I wouldn’t—it wasn’t—”

“That’s enough.” Catarina stepped into view, arms folded across her chest. “Magnus, don’t you have a party to plan?”

“You’re right I do.” He grinned and it was almost happy. Almost. “Good-bye Alexander.”

Once he was out of the room, Catarina sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Since he is unable to I’ll make his apologies for him. From what he has told me and the person I have always known him to be, he’d want you to know he’s sorry. He’d never speak to you like that under normal circumstances.”

Alec rolled his shoulders. “What’s going on? Is he…” _Is he that upset by the news of my engagement?_ “He seems off.”

She eyed him contemplatively. “I’m going to ask you something and your answer will be the deciding factor on if I tell you what’s going on.” He nodded and she replied, “Do you care about Magnus?”

“I hardly know him.” Alec responded quickly, eyes darting around the room. He knew it was the wrong thing to say.

“Then leave.” She snapped. “He doesn’t need anyone around him right now that doesn’t have his best interest in mind.”

“Look I—I don’t _know_ him that well, that’s not a lie.” Alec explained as clearly as he was able. “But from what I do know he’s…selfless. He wants to help people and he’s always tried to help me.”

It was as honest as he could be with a perfect stranger.

Catarina gently nudged him to the front door and waited until he was outside to speak again. “He _really_ liked you, you know? I’ve known Magnus since your parents were your age and there was a point in his life when he loved brightly and loudly. But things happened as they tend to do and he closed himself off. He never told me why he thought you could change that but he just assumed you could.” She smiled rather sadly. “He said it was like waking up from a long sleep and seeing your dream had come true. I don’t know what happened between you two but he called me up earlier and asked for a big favor. I said no but he pleaded and—and Magnus is like _family_. I couldn’t just let him hurt.”

Alec curled his hands into fists so hard that his nails dug into his palm. Funny, in trying to fix his family he’d just managed to break something else tonight along with Jace’s faith in him. Maybe the Lightwoods were cursed. “What did you do?”

“What he asked me to.” She whispered and conjured a pretty wooden box out of thin air, trimmed in rubies and odd symbols. Very carefully she opened it and Alec’s long legs wobbled so badly that he worried he would drop to his knees right there on the pavement.

Nestled on a soft white satin cloth was a glowing bright red heart, beating steadily with a muted _thump thump_. “Is that—you _ripped out_ his heart?” His fingers itched to touch but he forced himself not to. What if he crushed it?

She closed the box. “He asked me to. Begged me to make it so that he’d never have to _feel_ any type of pain again. Immortality comes with many perks but no one ever tells you about the losses. About the heartbreak. He just didn’t want his heart to be broken anymore, Alec. And now it can’t be.”

Alec felt sick to his stomach. “But it made him different. He’s…he’s not _Magnus_. He doesn’t care. He should care. You have to put it back in.”

“I will when he asks me to. If he wants a little time to be carefree then I am going to give him that. He won’t hurt anyone.”

“Just himself.”

“I suppose but it won’t be any worse than what others have done, will it?”

“I have to go.” Alec straightened himself up and smoothed down his clothes. “Don’t let anything happen to that.” 

Without waiting for a reply he turned and hurried down the street, his head foggy and his ears ringing. He needed to get back to the Institute and see what the next course of action was now that Meliorn was gone. Lydia probably had a plan.

 _“Do what’s in your heart_ ,” Magnus had said, all soft eyes and proud smile.

And now he didn’t have one.

Alec shuddered and continued his stumble home, trying to convince himself it would all be worth it in the long run. 

_"The Law is hard but it’s the Law."_

_"The only thing worth falling in love with is the work."_

_"The honor isn’t in the name, it’s in the deed."_

But what honor was there in causing someone to take out their own heart? By the time he made it back to the Institute he was more exhausted than he should be and his arm was burning like it was on fire. He just needed to rest. To sleep.

Things would look better in the morning...he hoped.


End file.
